So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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