How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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