you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
