at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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