90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
