I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
