This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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