I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
