Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
