3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
