umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
