I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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