At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
