In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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