I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
