READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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