Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Houston, we have a blender
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
