You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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