so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
