My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
