shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
