Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
