Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
