It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
