only if we run a train.
done.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
