mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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