the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
