im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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