This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
