Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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