I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
