Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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