I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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