Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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