I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
