His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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