So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
