she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
