gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
