You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
