I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
