I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
