shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
