the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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