Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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