I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
