I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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