you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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