He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
