Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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