The maid of honor just puked.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
